1. Plan your next vacation-sans children.
2. Wonder who Pamela Anderson and Madonna hired as their "Wet nurses" and how you could get their numbers.
3. Ask God why if women carry the baby why couldn't He have men do the breastfeeding? Then remember it's because men are usually late and would forget to feed the children.
4. Play the minute game with the clock closing your eyes and seeing how close you can come to 60 seconds without peeking.
5. Remember what it was like to wear tiny lacy bras and wonder who Pam Anderson and Madonna hired as plastic surgeons and how you could get their numbers.
6. Think of all the chores that need to be done around the house and shout them off to your spouse loudly one by one starting each sentence with" Honey, since I'm breastfeeding your child could you..."
7. Make important business calls knowing this will be the one time your baby is quiet.
8. Realize your exotic dancing career will probably never happen now and being that you're a woman of great morals rationalize you're ok with this fact.
9. Vow never to do a topless scene in any movie even if Matt Damon is your co-star and the money will send your kids to college.
10. Look lovingly at your baby remembering that you will remind them weekly for the rest of their lives all the sacrifices you've made for them as their mother and they owe you big time!
Labels: breastfeeding, Letters to Lucy, Mommyhood, Motherhood
